What is Metabolism? In this case BMR, is the rate at which your body burns energy. Our bodies burn calories like a car burns fuel, we need calories to keep it running. Some people used to believe that your genes determine your metabolic rate; the truth is, the amount of muscle you have determines the amount of calories you burn in a resting state. For example, each pound of muscle burns approximately 15 calories a day.
Studies have shown that when you exercise you built more muscle mass and increase your metabolic rate, this means even while you rest you are burning calories. It’s well known as well that engaging in daily physical activities, like walking, running and cardio can help raise your resting metabolic rate. When you sleep your body is still working, your heart is beating, your brain is burning calories coordinating body functions like making blood cells, eliminating waste, transmitting oxygen and all the rest of the functions that keep you alive.
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Increase your Metabolism
Posted in Mind & Soul, Tips & Idea 
Tags: accelerate, burning, calories, exercise, increase, metabolic, metabolism 
No Comments »How to Change Stressful Dinners With Kids Into Precious Family Time
Meal times are one of the cornerstones of your daily routine. They can be the most joyous part of your day or the most dreaded part of your day.
When you have small children it is very important that you be consistent and that they sit down to eat at roughly the same times every day. It’s also important that those times are spaced far enough apart so that your kids have an appetite for what’s put in front of them, but not so far apart that the run-up to every meal is marked by the kind of bad behaviour and irritability that’s triggered by hunger and low blood sugar levels.
Meals though, are not just about getting the right amount and type of food into your kids at the right time. They’re also occasions when your family can be together sharing news, talking over what everyone’s been up to during the day, sharing successes and disappointments as well as just enjoying each other’s company.
My family also uses meal times to share how we helped someone or made someone smile that day.
In many families, meal times are not so enjoyable. Instead, they’re running battles to get kids to eat, behave, or just sit down at the table. How do you turn this scenario around so that mealtimes become one of your favourite times of the day with your family?
The first step is to establish some ground rules. Here are seven rules that can help family dinners turn into precious family time:
- Children should wash their hands before they eat.
- Children need to sit at the table and not run off.
- TV stays off during meals.
- Children need to finish chewing before speaking.
- No one answers the telephone during meals.
- Children need to eat nicely – no playing with their food.
- Children need to TRY something – if they don’t like it that’s fine, but they must TRY it. If they truly try something and really don’t like it then they are free to eat the side dishes.
These rules are pretty simple which make it easy for you to reinforce. If your child breaks one of the rules, use this phrase:
“Ella, (of course use your own child’s name here), you need to ________________ (finish chewing your food before you speak. We don’t talk with food in our mouths.)”
The key words here are, “You need to” and “We”. These words teach your rules and values clearly and concisely but they also join you as a family instead of placing blame or belittling. When your child hears, “We” they hear, “Oh, yeah, that’s what my family does” instead of, “I’m bad again”.
If your child continues to misbehave or break a rule after this reminder then you can use my 4 Step Discipline Technique.
A couple of other things to make sure meal time is relaxing:
- Ease up. Gradually give your baby (child) the opportunity to experience independence because it’s what they crave. As soon as your baby can sit upright, without additional support, bring the high chair to the table. Let her feed herself as much as possible – with finger foods to start off with.When she’s big enough, give her a booster seat. Try not to make a 2 1/2 or 3 year old be stuck in a high chair drinking from a bottle or sippy cup – they are beyond this. It’s okay though to have a 2 – 2 1/2 year old wear a bib until they can show you they don’t need it, but try to allow them to practice being independent.
- Use a speaking object, if necessary. Sometimes families, larger ones especially, struggle because everyone wants to speak at the same time. Decide as a family on what object could be used to show whose turn it is to talk. It could be the salt shaker or something more special like a shell someone found on a family holiday. Pass this object around to ensure that only the person with it in front of them is speaking.
Use these tips and tricks consistently and I guarantee that meal times will become one of your most favourite times of the day!
Do You Unnecessarily Point Out Flaws?
Then there’s the time that I sent out pre-printed holiday cards and a casual friend asked if I knew that there was a typo on the card. I didn’t understand his need to point this out – if I knew about the error, then surely I was already feeling badly about it. If I didn’t know, then his alerting me to the typo wasn’t going to change the fact that the cards already went out and there was nothing I could do about it.
If They Aren’t Close, Mind Your Own Business
I believe that the only people with whom you are entitled to proactively bring up mistakes or flaws are your immediate family members, your best friends, and your direct reports. Everyone can improve, this is true, but these are the individuals who will most appreciate and value your desire to help them in that capacity. These are the individuals who can have a sense of humor about minor criticisms and take them in the spirit in which they are offered.
At Work, Do You Say it with Tact or Not at All?
In work situations, you risk alienating colleagues and/or managers when you point out their mistakes or flaws. For example, suppose your office-mate stutters a lot in group meetings. Should you bring it up to him? In my opinion, the answer is no. He probably can’t control his stuttering, and as tactful as you think you’re being, you’ll probably still hurt his feelings. If his manager wants to address it, that’s her prerogative.
Don’t Be Mr. or Mrs. Fix It
It’s not your responsibility to ensure perfect conduct the part of your colleagues, so even if you have an obsessive attention to detail or feel morally outraged about an issue, let it go. Unless your action can keep a grievous mistake from occurring in the first place, it’s not worth the potential damage to your reputation.
I sense that some of you might find fault with this point of view. So let’s open the forum – what do you think?
5 Ways to Stop Psyching Yourself Out of Your Goals
For the past 5 and a half years I have gained interests in several different disciplines and topics. I like playing guitar, gaming, writing, creating and designing websites, programming, biking (bicycling, Harley dudes.), understanding economics, science, and math. I’ve come to find out that I am pretty good at some of these things, yet with most I am mediocre at best.
And because of this I start to talk myself out of everything that I have any ideas about.
The Inner Critic
Let me introduce you to someone. Her name is the critic, and if you are a knowledge worker or creative you know her quite well. She is the one that pipes up and tells you that you aren’t very good at something and because of that you should give up on everything.
Sound familiar?
The inner critic is something that we all experience and can lead talented and creative individuals to give up on their ideas without even trying them.
Personally, I have been visited by the critic too many times to count. And many of those times she has stopped me dead in my tracks on some idea about a website, article, or piece of software that I would like to create. Remember, the critic is sneaky; not only will she try to stop you dead in your tracks and force you to give up, she will sneak her way into your plans and and todo lists in the form of non-clarified next actions, forcing you to procrastinate on your goals and dreams.
Luckily there are some ways that you can battle the Inner Critic and take over.
- Define exactly what you want to accomplish – also what you don’t want to accomplish
There is nothing worse than having a project or goal that is poorly defined. The Inner Critic loves this kind of “amorphous blog of undoability” and with it tells you that, “you don’t even really know what you want in ‘life/project x/goal x’, therefore you might as well give up”.Instead, identify exactly what being done looks like and also what is outside of the scope of what you are trying to accomplish. This will ease your mind and allow you to accept that you can actually get something done. - Share your thoughts with others
One of the fastest ways to shut down the Inner Critic is to run your ideas and dreams by others. There is something about getting out of your own head; it allows you to more clearly see what you are trying to accomplish as you get instant feedback from a third-party.This type of response can prove to you that you ideas are actually good and that you can do something with them. - Make constant progress
There is nothing that the Inner Critic hates more than you actually progressing on your dream projects and goals. This type of action turns into a snowball effect where you can’t help but finish what you have started.If what you are doing is something creative, make sure to allot a certain amount of time per day to the task. No matter what give yourself this time and move forward on your project. - Write, journal, diary, mindmap
This sort of goes back to the idea of getting things out of your head. A plan that isn’t defined or at least out of your head is doomed to fail. Writing things down can help you clarify what you are trying to accomplish and can subsequently help you find what you need to do next.Also, writing every once in a while about your fears of what you are doing (or not doing) will help keep the Inner Critic at bay and allow you to concentrate on the tasks at hand. - Iterate
If you can’t seem to accomplish your tasks or keep thinking that you don’t have the skills to do so, then split them up even further, accomplish a small portion, and then come back to the next part later. Also, instead of making something perfect right-off-the-bat, make it good and then come back to it again and make it better. Keep doing this until you have accomplished what you were set out to do.Iterating in the manner can help you stave off procrastination and fear as you finish your project in smaller increments and with less stress.
The Inner Critic can take hold of your internal talk and make you think that you are not good enough. Just remember that it has nothing to do with being “not good enough” and everything to do with not giving yourself the support that you need to move towards accomplish what you need and want to get done in your life. Use these 5 tricks to shut down the Inner Critic at first blush and move towards getting things done.
Breaking Up is Hard to do – 20 Questions to Help You Know When it’s Time to Let go
Do you remember the story about the new prisoner on the block? He is settling in nervously on the first night of his sentence, when he hears a series of numbers yelled out, each one followed by raucous laughter from his fellow inmates. Nervously, he asks his cell-mate what is going on. The cell-mate replies, “That’s the lifers, they have been in here so long that they have heard all of each others’ jokes, so rather than telling the joke, to save time they just shout out the joke’s number.” If your friends and family could tell this joke to describe how you talk about your relationship issues, you might want to read this post.
But seriously, breaking up is hard to do and inspires procrastination in the best of us. The writing may have been on the wall for months or even years, yet the exit out of a relationship can be a painstakingly slow process. Even without marriage and children in the mix, wrestling with the dilemma of when to hold and when to fold is often painful.
There are times when it may be blindingly obvious to everyone around you that it’s time to walk away, yet you still need to come to your own conclusion. The exception to this rule is if there is any kind of violent or abusive behavior taking place. In this case you need to get help and get yourself away and to safety immediately.
Loyalty, commitment and a willingness to work through difficult times are all valuable qualities to bring to any relationship but it’s good to be aware that these virtues can also sometimes work against us and cause us to prolong the suffering by clinging to a relationship long after it has ceased to be good for us. At times like this it’s great to have kind and patient friends who can support you along the way. But most important, is to give yourself some space and time to really explore what you are thinking and feeling. As one of my wise friends says,
“You’re not done ‘til you’re done and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, because only when you know you’re done will it really be over and when you’re done, you’ll know it.”
Sometimes it’s helpful to ask yourself a series of questions. Journaling your responses may allow you to go deeper still, in search of the clarity you need. Here are some to start you off.
1) What am I afraid of?
Get really honest with your answers here, – some of the most common are, the fear of being alone, fear of what other people will think and fear of making a mistake.
2) Are those realistic fears?
Once you have listed your fears, go through the list one by one and ask yourself how realistic they are.
3) If I wasn’t scared that x,y,z might happen– what would I do?
Next, taking each fear in turn, ask yourself how your course of action might be influenced if this fear wasn’t a factor.
4) Am in love with this person, or the person I wish they were? (aka The Imaginary Boyfriend)?
This questions deals with the perennial problem of falling in love with the potential.
5) If I could get an email from myself ten years from now, what advice might it have?
This is another good trick to get a different perspective on the problem and to get in touch with the inner wisdom we all have. My thanks to Havi Brooks for inspiring this one with her dialogues with her “slightly future me”.
6) Is this relationship bringing out the best in me?
Take a look at the person you have become in relation to who you were before. Do you like the comparison?
7) Have I given my best?
It’s always easier to come to closure when you can honestly say that you gave it 100%.
8) Should it be this much work?
What does this relationship add to your quality of life?
9) Do I make excuses for or justify my partner’s behavior towards me?
Your friends and family will be able to fill you in here.
10) How would I feel about my little sister/brother/daughter/son being in this situation?
This one may surprise you, it’s often a little shocking to see the standards we will tolerate for ourselves compared to what we think the people we love deserve.
11) What have I learned from this relationship?
What have you learned about what works and what doesn’t work for you?
12) What haven’t I learned from this relationship?
Where are you stuck?
13) Is this a familiar pattern?
Have you seen this all before? What do you need to do to take responsibility for doing it differently from now on?
14) Have I honestly expressed what it is that I want without trying to hide my vulnerability or blaming or judging?
It’s hard to ask for what we really want when we are scared we won’t get it but everyone deserves the opportunity to hear requests kindly and clearly.
15) Do I think I can love this person in the way they deserve to be loved?
Let’s turn the tables for a second, can you give your partner everything they have a right to receive?
16) If this is all there is, will it be enough?
It’s a great test to ask whether if nothing changes. Could you really be happy with this person?
17) If I weren’t angry, how would it change things?
When we have had our needs unmet for a while, resentment can build to the point of rage and obscure rational thought.
18) If I forgave my partner, what difference would it make?
To err is human, but to forgive is divine. One of my favorite quotes says that refusing to forgive is like continually drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. If your partner has done something or many things that have hurt you, ask yourself what might happen if you gave them a fresh slate?
19) If I forgave myself what difference would it make?
Self-compassion can be a wonderful vehicle for growth and clarity, if yesterday didn’t exist at all, would you still feel the way you do?
20) If today was my last – would I regret ending or not having ended the relationship more?
Finally, this question raises the stakes a little and challenges any sense of complacency. It can give you a real sense of perspective, by asking how you might do things differently if you knew you wouldn’t have another chance.
Try these questions out or add and subtract your own and don’t forget to trust your inner knowing. Deep down, you know what’s best for you.
Good Luck.
Don’t Let These 4 Habits Ruin Your Conversations
Bad Habits Can Ruin ConversationsWhy didn’t he call me back? Why didn’t she laugh at my joke? Why don’t they want to hang out again?
Do you ever get the feeling that maybe something you did or said sabotaged your conversation (or worse, your relationship!?).
In a perfect world, we could all take the Conversation Skills Assessment Aggregator 2000 and it would spit out a printed analysis of our entire communication profile. It would detail our every strength and weakness, our every good and bad habit, and even our conversation style. Maybe it would even make polite suggestions for you in a British accent.
Luckily, you have a good friend who always advises you on your conversation habits. Oh, you don’t? Neither do I. If we are making a conversation mistake, most of us will never find out. People will just choose not to talk to us as much. You may not think anything of it.
You may not have a friend or a machine that can politely make suggestions, but there are very common conversation mistakes you can look out for. With a little self reflection and self awareness, you can at least ensure that you are not damaging your conversations and relationships any further.
Let’s look more closely at four of the bad habits:
1. Are You a Parrot?
Do you find yourself just paraphrasing or repeating what the other person said? If they say, “that was a cool movie!” do you say, “Yeah, that was a really cool movie!”? Parrots act like they are having a conversation, but in reality, they rarely actually offer anything substantive. Parrots rely on echoing and paraphrasing others.
Suggestion: If you find yourself just echoing what they are saying, try to offer substantive opinions or observations as well.
2. Are You an Energy Vampire?
You may have fascinating stories and opinions to share, but if your energy cannot support the comments, people may find you hard to listen to. Lacking energy or emotion when you talk can ruin your conversation faster than almost any other bad habit. Good conversation is alive; good conversation flows with energy between the conversationalists. If you are not adding to the flow of energy, then you are probably subtracting from it.
Suggestions: Think of your voice as a roller coaster ride for your listeners. Are you creating a flat, boring ride? Try to make your roller coaster ride enjoyable for your particular audience; add some vocal drops, some inclines, and vary your speed. Vary your inflections and emphasize key words as well.
Also, record your voice in private. In fact, re-read this section in your normal voice and play it back. If you have never recorded yourself before, you’ll be surprised by what you hear!
3. Are You a Predictable Talker?
The Predictable Talker lives in the serious and literal world. If they get up to use the restroom, and you ask them where they are going, they will always respond, “to the restroom.” Everything they say is predictable; they’ll never surprise you with something unexpected. In contrast, a Playful Talker may respond to that question with a number of unpredictable playful responses. For example, “I thought I’d leave you with the bill,” or “I’m going to pickup that girl,” or “I’m trying to escape.” The best conversation is playful and unpredictable; Predictable Talkers have trouble playing!
Suggestion: Train your mind to start considering the unexpected responses. Next time someone asks you a question or makes a comment, mentally think about what response would be unexpected or unpredictable (within reason!). Once in a while, try one of these unexpected comments and see how you do. You may surprise yourself.
4. Are You a Conversation Narcissist?
Conversation Narcissists love nothing more than to talk about themselves. The only reason they ask the other person a question like, “How was your weekend?” is so they can circle it back around to them again, “that’s nice…let me tell you about what happened to me…” They rarely inquire seriously about the other person or ask follow up questions.
Suggestion: This is easy to fix, be genuinely interested in the other person. When someone tells you something, keep the focus on them, ask follow up questions, recall previous comments the person said, etc.
How Many People are in Your Relationship?
You may not be aware of this, but the two of you are not the only people involved in your relationship. In fact, you may be in a minority when it comes to who is actually running the show. Each time you begin afresh, all dewy-eyed about a shiny, new relationship, your subconscious is inviting a whole bunch of people to the party.
Your Inner Child
To begin with, there are the children. No, not the actual children. I’m talking about your inner children. That part of you that still feels the way you did when you were little. The part of you that reacts to the present based on the experiences of the past. The part of you that makes decisions based on the opinions you formed about the world and what you could expect from the people in it at an impressionable age.
A guide to tai chi
A guide to tai chi
All you need to know about tai chi, including the health benefits, the different styles of tai chi and getting started.
What is tai chi?
Tai chi, also called tai chi chuan combines deep breathing and relaxation with slow and gentle movements. Originally developed as a martial art in 13th Century China, tai chi is today practiced around the world as a health-promoting exercise.
What are the health benefits of tai chi?
While there’s scope for more rigorous studies on tai chi’s health benefits, studies have shown that tai chi can help people aged 65 years and over reduce stress, increase muscle strength in the legs, balance and general mobility.
Can tai chi help prevent falls?
Some research suggests tai chi can reduce the risk of falls among older adults who are at increased risk. However more research is needed.
Can tai chi help with arthritis?
There is some evidence that tai chi can improve mobility in the ankle, hip and knee in people with rheumatoid arthritis (RH). However, it is still not known if tai chi can reduce pain in people with RH or improve their quality of life.
Am I too old for tai chi?
No, tai chi is a low impact form of exercise, which means it won’t put much pressure on your bones and joints and most people should be should be able to do it.
Is tai chi suitable for me?
Get advice from your GP before starting tai chi if you have any health concerns or an existing health condition. You may need to take certain precautions if you’re pregnant, have a hernia, back pain or severe osteoporosis.
Don’t I need to be fit to do tai chi?
No, tai chi is ideal for inactive older people wanting to raise their activity levels gently and gradually. Moreover, many of the tai chi movements can even be adapted to people with a disability, including wheelchair users.
Can I injure myself doing tai chi?
Tai chi is essentially a gentle activity unlikely to cause injury if done correctly. The exercises involve lots of flowing, easy movements that don’t stress the joints or muscles.
Tips on getting started
If you have a medical condition, any health concerns or haven’t exercised for a long time, speak to your GP before you start tai chi. It’s a good idea to watch a class or attend a free taster session before signing up for a course.
Are there different styles of tai chi?
There are many different styles of tai chi, such as yang, chen and wu. Some teachers often practise a combination of styles. The main differences between the different tai chi styles are in the speed of movement and the way the body holds the postures.
What’s the basic technique?
Tai chi is characterized by its slow, graceful continuous movements, that are gentle on the joints and muscles. Done correctly, tai chi poses flow smoothly from one into another. Many movements are completed with bent knees in a squat-like position.
Is tai chi good for treating osteoporosis?
Studies have looked into the potential benefits of tai chi for people with osteoporosis, but there is currently no convincing evidence that tai chi can prevent or treat osteoporosis.
Can I learn tai chi from a book or DVD?
It’s a good idea to learn the basics of tai chi from an instructor to ensure your style is correct, effective, and won’t cause injury. You can consider using a book or DVD once you’re familiar with the poses.
Start a Conversation with a Stranger without Sounding Desperate
Start a ConversationYou are at the bookstore, and you suddenly glimpse an attractive person near you in the same aisle. You would love to initiate conversation but you don’t want to come off as cheesy, pushy, or desperate. You are not alone. Luckily, there are three very natural tactics to break the ice without sounding cheesy, pushy, or desperate.
Ask a Help Question
Try playing dumb. For example, next time you’re at a coffee shop with your laptop, you can ask anyone near you the innocent question, “Is your internet working? Mine seems really slow…” You may have the fastest internet connection in the world, but that doesn’t matter. Your sole mission is to start the conversation. If you successfully ignite a conversation, in the end, no one will care or remember how it started.
Posted in Mind & Soul Tags: boy, conversation, girl, idea, man, relationship, start, stranger, tip, woman, young No Comments »Be Honest About the Commitment Required
Several years ago when I was working in New York, a colleague asked me to take over his position on a cross-functional committee. I definitely hesitated, as I was near the beginning of my career and was working crazy hours and churning out work product like there was no tomorrow so that I could prove myself to my boss.
“It Will Be a Piece of Cake”
However, the colleague convinced me that the committee would require no effort at all. All I would have to do is show up at the meetings once a quarter and contribute my ideas there. This seemed acceptable and I wanted to come across as can-do, so I signed on. Well, imagine my surprise when the committee turned out to be a ton of work. My role actually involved coordinating the schedules of half a dozen people, hosting regular conference calls, planning events, and responding to a near-constant stream of e-mails. At one point, the committee took more of my time than my actual job.
For the next year, I was stuck in a position into which I felt I’d been duped, and I was not happy about it. I was resentful, and I blamed the colleague who’d recruited me. In fact, I vowed never to trust him again.
The Devil in Downplaying
If you are going to ask a colleague or report to do something – whether it’s mandatory or not – please be honest about the commitment required. It is better to realistically set expectations and have the person express reservations or turn down the task on the front end than to trick them into accepting a job they may not be qualified or otherwise in a position to do effectively. This will not be good for your organization, or for your relationship with the colleague/report.
Keep in mind, also, that when you talk through the job requirements, you should mention more than the bare minimum. For instance, maybe my colleague thought I could get away with merely showing up to the quarterly committee meetings, but he should have known me better than that. Once I agree to do something, I give it my all. You should assume that your colleague/report will be the same way and not undersell the task.
